Finding Your Village: The Importance of Support When Becoming a Mom
Filed in Personal Development
I recently had Jenna Hodge, a parent coach as a guest on my podcast, The Purse Coach Podcast, where we discussed the importance of finding your mom village while raising your little ones. I wish I would have found my core group of friends sooner in my parenting journey.
Take a listen to episode 25 of The Purse Coach Podcast, Embracing The Journey: Insights From A Motherhood Coach https://www.buzzsprout.com/2143456/13218921
Many times, we lose touch with our friends from our middle school, high school, and even college days. You might stay in contact with one or two of your friends from your childhood or young adulthood, but many times life takes us in different directions.
Finding friends as an adult and mother can be kind of like dating and awkward but finding friends who will be by your side to help support and empower you while you raise your babies is important. I always felt jealous of those women who had a big group of friends from their younger days. Or even those who had a large group of friends now. I would think to myself, “Why don’t I have a large group of friends who all hang out together? Why don’t I get invited to go out for dinner, drinks, or concerts like so and so does?” I had a lot of self-doubt about my ability to make new relationships and to maintain them. Now, I understand that so many of us have these same feelings. we are not inadequate, we just don’t like putting ourselves in awkward social situations.
It takes stepping out of your comfort zone and being a little like a fish out of water to find your village. When I would hear the phrase, “it takes a village to raise children”, I used to think “Where is the village, do they just show or do I have to call them? How do I find their number?” I felt so alone in my early days of motherhood.
The answer is, unfortunately, no…they do not just show up. YOU have to seek them out and invite them over for play dates or out for a mom date. You have to put in the time and effort to make the connection with others. It will feel weird, but it is so worth it.
Does my village just show up? Where are they? Is there a number to call them?
By finding your village, you will feel supported, encouraged, and empowered to take on the role of motherhood at every stage. Some stages of motherhood are smooth and easy, and some are rough and difficult. Having a group of friends, especially those who understand the ups and downs of motherhood is essential to being able to truly enjoy life and motherhood.
Having your family nearby or being in contact with them is wonderful and they are a great support system. But having a group of friends, even a couple, has a different feel to it. Finding women who will love your children just like their own is amazing. I finally feel like I have found my tribe. But I wish I had found them sooner.
You can discover your village in various places – from your little one’s daycare to mom groups, church, or, in my case, youth sports. Although I had mom friends when my boys were little, it was when they all started school that I found my core group, the one I feel most connected with. It took them getting involved in sports, my willingness to be vulnerable and embrace my uniqueness, and, truthfully, time to finally find these special connections. When your kids spend hours in after-school activities during the week, it naturally leads you to talk and connect with other parents there.
Once my boys started youth sports I found myself connecting with lots of other moms and parents. Many of our “sports families” have become “our families”.
Having a strong support system is vital, as it allows you to be open and honest about life and engage in deep and meaningful conversations. Personally, having such connections keeps me grounded, grateful, and less anxious. The emotional support I receive from my friends is essential for thriving in my everyday life.
Having this group of people sooner in life, when your kiddos are babies or while you are still having babies, is best. This allows you the benefit of exchanging parenting tips, advice, and experiences with others. You and your children will be able to create lifelong memories with these wonderful community. You won’t feel so alone as a new mom or even a seasoned mother.
With a strong sense of community, you’ll find that they can also lend a helping hand with childcare in a pinch, offer meals, or assist with errands when needed. Having a robust support system will lead to less stress, fewer feelings of overwhelm, and an overall increase in well-being.
Not only can you find this village of moms in new environments that you find yourself in now that you have little ones. You can also reach out and re-connect with those friends who you lost contact with. Another great place to look for your village is in places you enjoy, for example, your church. You can also engage with other moms on online platforms to connect with like-minded individuals.
The truth is, so many moms are looking for other mom friends and to build their connections. They too, are feeling silly asking to meet up with others. The benefits of finding your community sooner rather than later far outweigh any awkwardness you may have at the beginning of building those new relationships.
Remember, you are not alone in this motherhood journey. Find others who you connect with, enjoy spending time with, and are like-minded individuals. Be brave and just ask to hang out, with your littles or without, it doesn’t matter! You can always make friends at any age!
