HOW DO I GET MY HUSBAND OR PARTNER ON BOARD WITH OUR FINANCES? (OR MYSELF, IF I AM THE SPENDER)

Me and my husband, Jason, we work hard at communicating about our finances. It is not easy but we put in the effort because it pays off

Good Luck.

Ha. I am totally kidding. But this is a hard one, ladies.

 

In my relationship, I am the saver, and my husband is the spender. Which is funny, because my husband is a farmer and I always thought farmers were frugal and penny pinchers. Not my husband, not my farmer!

Now, we used to both be spenders. Truth be told, I still like to buy nicer things. I will buy myself a pair of Smartwool socks for $20, which I feel is VERY expensive for 1 pair of socks. But I still have my first pair from 5 or 6 years ago and still wear them often.

 

There comes a time in life when we need to really evaluate where we are in life, what our short-term goals are, and what our long-term goals are. Then we need to act and behave accordingly. We need to come up with a plan and stick to it.

 

It would be so easy, and it would feel SOOOO good to go out and buy a bunch of things that I want! I’ve been eyeing up a new $90 sweater at the store all season long. But, I know that paying $90 for a sweater at this time in my life is not what is best for me and my family. Buying really nice, cute new clothes or house décor is not going to move me forward in achieving my goals.

 

Sure, I would get a nice dose of dopamine at the moment, and I would feel good wearing that sweater, but that feeling won’t last. In fact, when I get the credit card bill, those “feel good” feelings will disappear really fast.

 

If your husband or partner isn’t 100% committed to getting your finances in line, that’s ok. It takes time. It takes dedication. It takes hard work. It takes commitment. It takes communication. It takes grace.

 

You might have decided, like me, that you are READY to get your money figured out. You want to start paying down debt or start saving ahead for certain things, like a vacation or something not so fun, like property taxes or auto insurance. This is GREAT! I am so proud of you. But how did you decide you wanted to do “better” with your money? Did you just wake up one day and decide it? Or did you think about it for a while, read a few blog posts or listen to some podcasts about money? If you are like me, there was a wake-up call and then you slowly (or quickly) emersed yourself into the world of money habits. You had time to think, learn, and grow.

Your husband or partner might not be there yet. They also need time to think, learn, and grow. Especially if this is being thrust upon them (not with bad intentions, more so, with GOOD intentions), but they will need time to adjust and decide for themselves that this is something they want to work on.

 

Give them the gift of time.

 

While your partner is thinking, this is a GREAT time for YOU to work on YOU and on the part of finances that you can work on. This will vary greatly from relationship to relationship, but the things that you can change and mold into something better than it is now are what you should focus on. Focus on your spending habits. Focus on bettering yourself and making wise and sound financial decisions. The changes you make for yourself will cross over, for the better, into your relationship.

 

Start slow with your partner. Ask them to have a weekly sit-down money meeting with you. Come at them from a sincere place. DO NOT blame them. Ask them about their future goals and how they and the both of you will get there. Again, this will take time. Some people are great at communicating and some are not. But put this meeting on your schedule and remind your significant other that this is important to you.

There are times that my husband and I still do not agree on everything with money. There are times when he pisses me right off when I feel he spends too much money or if I feel he is being irresponsible with his money. But I need to remember that this isn’t his doing, these feelings are my own and I need to take ownership of them.

 

We are all responsible for the decisions we make in life. We need to take ownership of our choices.

 

Here are some things that you can do to help save money if your partner isn’t yet 100% committed to making changes to their spending.

 ·      Pack your work lunch

·      Cut back on or stop getting your hair or nails done

·      Buy less clothing (for me it would be bags/purses!)

·      Ask yourself if this is a need or a want before you buy something

·      Meal prep

·      Make a budget

·      Eat out less often

·      Sell items that you are no longer using

·      See if you can get your bills lowered (cell, cable, subscriptions, etc)

·      Make your coffee at home

 

There are many other things you can do to cut back on your spending. With each and every purchase ask yourself if this is a want or a need. If it’s a want, skip it. If it is truly a need, go ahead and purchase it, if you have the money for it. I always try and wait 24 hours before making a non-necessary purchase. Sometimes I find I don’t really want that item, even though I thought I did.

 

Again, this takes time when there is more than one person in the relationship. Keep in mind to give time, communicate, and give grace. Tell your husband why getting your money situation in a good place is important to you, your relationship, and your family.

 

I am so proud of you for taking the initiative and putting in the hard work to meet your financial goals and dreams! You should also be proud of yourself and how far you’ve come!

Connect, support, and Empower

xoxo

Jess Wayne

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