My 3 boys like to spend my money. Full stop. Sometimes they are understanding when I say “no” to them when they ask me to buy them something and sometimes, they are not understanding. Each of the 3 have their own personalities and this applies to their spending habits as well.
My oldest son is a spender, my middle son is a saver (most of the time), and my youngest son is a spender. All of them want me to pay for everything, they act like money just sprouts out of our corn field next to our house! But, sometimes they are willing to spend their own money on things without me asking them to.
My husband and I are doing things to teach our boys how to be responsible with money. Sometimes I feel like it is working, and we are rubbing off on them and sometimes I don’t. I guess that is part of the parenting journey.
We live on a farm, like a real farm with tractors, a combine, cows, pigs, and chickens. There is always something to do on the farm. Our oldest son, Remy LOVES to work on the farm. He is 100% a farmer. He loves rounding up cattle, chasing pigs, feeding the animals, learning about the equipment, and driving the skid steer. He hauls large round hay bales and brings them off from the field, he loads trailers and stacks the bales. He loves to make money working on the farm.
Remy also has a lawn care business that he started with a friend. This spring will be his 3rd season mowing lawns and he is only 12 years old. He knows the value of a dollar, but he still likes to spend money. He likes expensive things, and he is by far my pickiest child.
Bryson, our middle son, is a saver, most of the time anyway. He also likes to help on the farm during spring planting and fall harvest, but he is not as “into” farming as his older brother. Bryson likes to earn money and tends not to ask for as much in terms of clothes, shoes, and other things as his 2 brothers do. But he does like to buy “coins and equipment” for his electronic games. He is fairly happy with hand-me-downs but he also enjoys getting his own new items.
Bryson is pretty happy to be inside our house, playing his Nintendo Switch or on his phone while sitting next to me. Typically, he doesn’t ask for much in terms of money. That has started to change somewhat in the last few months. Just the other day, he spent a large chunk of his Christmas and birthday money on a pair of white shoes that I wouldn’t buy for him because A. they were white, and he is a 10-year-old boy and B. because he is adult-size shoes, and they were $160! I did pay $70 towards them like I put towards his other brother’s shoes. He literally paid $90 for his portion of the shoes! I was blown away by this because this is not his typical spending habits, but he REALLY wanted those shoes. And in his defense, he has taken good care of them.
Colton, our youngest son, who is 6 years old LOVES to spend my money. He will find anything to buy at a store even if it is a “girly” store just to buy something. He does not like spending his own money and he knows how to use his big brown eyes and pouty lips to get me to say “yes” to his wants! He also loves buying things for his electronic games because he, like his middle brother, likes to be inside snuggling up to me while his dad and oldest brother are working on the farm. Side note, Colton also LOVES sugar and he can usually win me over by telling me he loves me and giving me a big bear hug.
My point is, our boys are different, but also alike. They will do anything to try and make me spend my money on them instead of spending their own money. But they are beginning to understand that we can’t afford all of their wants and desires.
Sometimes we will allow the boys to “work things off”. We will buy something for them and then they have to do work and help out around the house to pay it off. I prefer that they save up their money first and then buy the item, kind of like my husband and I do with our finances. We work, save up for something, then buy it.
I think this is a great lesson to teach our boys because I do not want them to be spending money they do not have, especially once they are adults and there are huge repercussions for spending more than you make.
Again, we do make the boys pay the difference on items they might want if it is more than I am willing to spend on it. Growing up this was one of the few money lessons I was taught. But when we went clothes shopping, if we wanted “name brand” clothing, we had to pay the price difference from the generic clothes to the name brand clothes. I vividly remember my older brother buying a pair of JNCO jeans (do you remember those huge baggy jeans??) and my mom would not pay for the full price, so she gave him the amount the Levi jeans cost and he had to pay the difference.
I think this is an important lesson to teach our kids because they will learn to decide if the name-brand items are so important to them that they are willing to spend their own money on them.
Luckily our boys are blessed to live on a farm and there is always something they can do to make money. We raise chickens and pigs in the summer, and by helping feed and water the animals they earn some money. My husband also plows snow in the winter months. So again, our boys can choose to work with him and earn some money.
It may sound like they work all the time but trust me they don’t. They also spend a lot of time at their sporting events and practices. They also spend a lot of time outdoors and inside on their electronics. One thing I need to get better at is having them complete a list of chores every week.
I have never written out a weekly chore to-do list because I had one every single week growing up and it still haunts me to this day. But our boys tend to spend a lot of time on their tablets and phones and I think keeping them accountable to help with keeping the house clean and picked up is a good life lesson to instill in them. Ok, I am promising to start doing this, please hold me accountable!
We have 3 large mason jars in our mud room. Each jar has a label that says, “Save”, “Give”, and “Spend”. We divide up and put all of our loose change into these 3 jars. I think it is important to teach our boys to give to charities and people who need support. We also give to our church and schools. I love that if I see a need I can show my boys how we can help, including giving them some money.
Another way we are teaching our kids to be responsible with money is to give them a spending allowance during long weekends at the hockey rink. For example, there are times when we are at the hockey rink for a tournament Friday, Saturday, and Sunday all day. So I will give each of my 3 boys, $10 to spend for the entire weekend. They get to choose how and when to spend it, but they know that once it is gone, it is gone. No more asking mom or dad for more concession stand and raffle ticket money! This tends to work a little better for our two older boys, but our 6-year-old is starting to get the hang of it too.
We talk to our boys about how many hours they or we would have to work to pay for something. This puts time and money into perspective for them. By telling them they are going to have to do 2 hours of work or 4 “things” for chores, they can then decide if the item they want to buy is worth it.
We also talk to them about how much things/bills costs. We tell them how much we spend a month on fuel, groceries, and dining out. We talk to them about how it is more expensive to buy a glass of soda pop out to eat than it is to drink one at home (even though we usually don’t buy pop because even the pop at the grocery store is super expensive!) We show them our budgets and they see me at the gas station or after going to the store entering the transaction/the balance into my budgeting app.
We talk about money a lot in our family. But we never used to. This is all a change in the last 3 years. Prior to me getting really scared and stressed out with our money, we didn’t really talk about money. We just bought what we wanted (for the most part) and we figured out how to pay for things. Luckily, my husband and I are pretty realistic and not HUGE spenders, we don’t live an extravagant lifestyle. But we were not being responsible with our money. I am happy to report that now we are!
We talk to our boys about what is coming up in the future that we will need to pay for. Like, hockey registration, fuel for our boat, winter gear, hunting items, etc. It is important to teach our children to plan ahead for expenses in life. Saving for taxes and registrations or insurance that we pay quarterly.
We often talk about the importance of saving for our short-term goals, emergencies, and our long-term goals, including our retirement. I am a huge believer in saving up for what you want and then buying it once you have the money saved up and I am teaching this to my kids. Now, I am not saying ALL debt is bad or that you shouldn’t ever take out a loan. But overall, I hope to continue to be debt free and save up for things I want.
I am also instilling the value of being content and happy and being grateful for all we have. We live in a country and place where we are rich. Even if we don’t feel like our bank accounts are overflowing with money. We are rich in many areas of our lives and sometimes less is more. Being content is a hard thing to accomplish and I still have to remind myself to be content in life. I am so grateful for what I have but I am always looking for the next thing. Sometimes that is good, it keeps me active and improving myself, but sometimes it isn’t so good. I want to be content and happy with what I have and not always want more.
I am always making new goals and encouraging others to do the same. But by making goals, does that mean we aren’t content with where we are now in life and what we have? I think striving more in life is a great motivator, but we also need to relax and enjoy what we have right now.
